Today, I am getting ready to leave on a Speaker and Author Retreat to Bear Lake. I am really excited to learn and hear all the amazing people tell there stories and journeys to how they got to where they are, as well as step out of my comfort zone and take time for myself.
I feel a little nervous and guilty about going and leaving the kids, especially on somewhat of a bad note. This morning the kids weren’t listening to anything i said; i had to ask them to put there shoes and socks on more than 4-5 times, and then noticed that instead of doing what i asked, they had been playing with some “Fart Goop” my mom had bought them, which I had already taken away from them the night before. I started getting frustrated and kept trying to get them to listen and get out of the door, because we were running really late. After i dropped Elle off at school, and Rocky off at daycare, i felt a surge of guilt come over me. I felt so guilty for getting frustrated and rushing my last few moments with them. I hate leaving them for 4 days and not taking the time to savor my time and little moments with them.
I just have to remind myself to breath, take one moment at a time, and stay focused on the good that will come of this weekend. I know that this trip will be a life changer, and that i will learn so much about myself and the direction i need to go. I know that the kids will have so much fun staying at my sisters that they probably wont even notice I’m gone. I have to trust God and his guidance, because I know he wouldn’t lead me down a wrong path, and wouldn’t give me anything i couldn’t handle, as well as he will use these times of frustration and guilt as tests and lessons of patience and strength. I need to let it go, and enjoy a much needed weekend of connecting, learning and relaxation.